Most guys I know feel that they don’t need help with their game (they do, we all do), whether their game is used for meeting dozens of beautiful models or just talking to that one special girl we all could use a little help. On the other side of the coin women have a deeper understanding that they could use a little help landing Mr. Right, nearly once a week a female friend comes forward and asks me for some help. Here is IDM’s definitive guide to meeting and landing Mr. Right this summer.

Traditionally, meeting Mr. Right is more of a passive activity, this guide will focus on being actively passive. More or less, making sure you are putting the best ingredients together for him to approach.

Looks – Physical attraction is important, millions of years of evolution ensured that we are looking for a healthy mate that will produce viable offspring, even though we aren’t battling sabre toothed tigers those evolutionary bi-products are still there.  You should look good when you leave the house, teeth should be clean and white, hair should be clean looking, clothing should be well fitting and feminine. Final message: You don’t want to leave the house looking like Sue Sylvester.

Health – More and more health is becoming important, start going to the gym, quit smoking and cut the sugar out of your diet. We don’t all want to date Marissa Miller, but we do want someone that cares about their health, you can be curvy, skinny or a big beautiful woman, but you should still be healthy. Final message: We don’t want you getting winded walking from the car nor do we want you blowing away on a windy day, we are looking for a life partner after all.

Confidence – I hear “I’m just an average girl” more than I can count. No one wants to date an average girl, no one wants to be average, just because you aren’t a Victoria Secret model that has a Nobel prize and Olympic medal doesn’t mean you are average. What average says to me? is you are willing to settle, you are bored with your life, tell me you are passionate, tell me you aren’t average, maybe you love Star Trek and love playing indoor soccer, that makes you unique. Instead of telling me you are just like everyone else (then why wouldn’t I want to date everyone else?) tell me why you aren’t like everyone else. Final Message – We want someone who is confident, motivated and happy.

Location – Not just for real estate. If you find Nerds sexy, chances are you aren’t going to meet them at some trashy downtown bar. If you want to meet a Doctor stop hanging out at Law School. What I’m getting at that you need to figure out what you are looking for in a man and then put yourself into the circle. Join a summer sports league, join a wine tasting group, join a guild of elves, really, it doesn’t matter what, but that you are actually taking a step forward to meeting the right person. Too many girls go to work, come home, go out with friends and that’s it, those are not ideal situations to meet Mr. Right.  Final Message – You meet a guy that appreciates art at a gallery, not at a night club.

Stay tuned for part 2.

The man, the shirt, the results.

Last July, Myself, Xander and a few other friends descended upon the San Francisco Bay Area for a week of fun, excitement and “Woo”.

Xander was charged with being the best man, planning, arranging and putting everything together. He had a lot on his plate so I offered up my ideas and my labour to help him get everything he needed done. On the flight in we started trying to conceptualize the bachelor party. Sure, you can take a guy out to a trashy strip club, you can take him paint balling, golfing or to a shooting range.

What we wanted to do was show him a no rule, no limit night of fun. Think louder than 11.

Here’s how we did it…

2 weeks prior to the wedding we decided that t shirts would be needed, a form of peacocking for the night, a way to bring the team feeling together on our night out, and finally a way for us to help find each other in a crowded club. Our shirts were safety green and hot pink, it was impossible to not spot any of us from 1000 yards. Luckily we did not have to try to hide from the police.

2 days prior to the wedding was the day set for the bachelor party. Why? it’s enough time to ensure that all parties involved can be bailed out of jail, found on the roof of a casino, replaced, etc. Further more it allows all hangovers to be recovered from. We also used hotwire.com to find a cheap hotel room, we managed to get a $500 a night room in a downtown hotel for less than $100. This provided a base of operation as well helped set the tone for the night, imagine your friends taking you into a  5 diamond hotel (not star, diamond…) to start your night, remember, it’s always about context.

Once in the hotel we had a few shots, got ready, surprised the groom once again with the t-shirts and some good scotch to drink. He was already buzzing from excitement. This night was destined for greatness.

We had previously found out where his favourite pub was and started there for food and drinks. Xander called in advance to book a large table and get friendly with the manager. During this phone call he set it up that this place was the Groom’s favourite place and that we would be celebrating his coming nuptials.  This takes a page from “the bouncer is your friend”. On arrival the entire staff was aware why we were they and made us right at home, providing excellent service, free drinks.

Stay tuned for part two and the secret of the checklist…

Check out this video on why it’s important to take risks and why not taking risks will kill you.

Zombies want.... OUTCOME! Don't be a zombie.

I’ve recently been doing some globe trotting and have experienced both fantastic interaction based experiences and some not so fantastic outcome based experiences.

Let’s set up a quick definition: Focusing on the interaction means that you are living in the moment, not thinking about what will happen based on this interaction and that that possibilities are wide open.  Focusing on the outcome is the opposite, it creates a contrived situation where the focus is on one particular outcome, the parties involved know this and the possibilities are quite narrow.

Now let’s go back to globe trotting I was wading my way of the stalls of a crowded market, people yelling and shouting, tugging at your sleeves in broken English trying to sell me a variety of shirts, foods and the like. All focusing on the outcome, parting me with my money. I was overwhelmed and ducked into a quieter spot where a woman was weighing freshly roasted coffee and dried tea, she greeted me with a smile and a hello in her mother tongue and went back to sorting and measuring. She was honestly and genuinely just saying hello, no focus on taking my money. I ended up leaving her stall with an exotic bag of Kopi Luwak coffee. Why? because she just wanted to say hello.

Imagine you are a girl for a moment, everytime you go out to the clubs all of the guys there are complimenting her, buying her drinks, sneaking up behind and trying to dance with her. No different than the merchants in the market they want something from her, they want her value, whether it be her company or her bed she knows this and she wants to escape. Maybe she turns on a bitch shield, maybe she surrounds herself by her friends, but either way she has to do something to keep these merchants guys away from her so she can focus on her own interactions.

So next time you are out and interacting with anyone, whether it be in a business context or in a club. Smile, ask them a genuine question and then send them on their way with a smile on their face. The customer or the girl will be more likely to come back to talk to you because of it.

A Girls Guide– Sam Sharpe

About a month ago, I was spilling my single sorrows to my wonderfully straight platonic life partner, Logan, and for the first time he must have been sick of it because he looked at me and said plainly “Sam, you’re too fucking picky”. He was right. In the many months that I have been single, which almost add up to a year, I have been on exactly twenty-two first dates, only three of which leaded to a second date, and none became anything more than a bad memory.  Eventually, out of boredom and frustration, I started suggesting the same restaurant, at the same time, ordered the same dish, and got the same disapproving looks from the wait staff. I stopped caring because I knew not one of them would hold my interest for longer than a night. So what did they all do wrong?

The first guy to make it past the first date was, Alex, Mr. Perfect-on-Paper. Owned his own company, house, car and all before he was thirty. He was styled like he walked out of GQ. He came from a great family, and they raised him well. I met his friends on our second date, and they all thought the world of him. He was secure, and stable, but mostly I liked him because of how much he liked me. After only a week, he was willing to do anything to make me happy. Despite of all of this, he was as dull as dishwater. He had no interest in anything that didn’t fit the mould and suit a purpose. Alex was a serial monogamist. Since high school the longest he had gone without a girlfriend was three months. Everything he did was to get girl, or for the girl. He gave himself no time to find out what he liked. The most exciting thing about him was that he took salsa lessons, but even this he did because it was a great work out and he thought it would be a great thing to know for when he got married. Marriage. Nope, I’m not kidding. He talked about marriage. Never, ever, talk about marriage with a girl after only a month. If a girl is worth having, she is just as scared of the M word as you are, especially after a month. Don’t be this guy. Find out what you love, remember that having a girl doesn’t validate you as an awesome catch.

Okay, that restaurant I mentioned that I started taking all my dates to, well one of them didn’t look at me like a was a bitch, in fact it was here that I found number two. While date number fifteen was in the washroom, Graham, our server, sat down and gave me his number. Bold move. He found my weak spot. I am a sucker for confidence. If the guy watched me come in night after night with a different date, each one more impressive than the last, and still believed he had something to offer me that the others couldn’t, there is no way I am going to say no. Never be afraid to take a chance, be brave. Girls love a guy who goes after what he wants, especially if it’s her. He had such a passion for life, good food, good drink, books, and art. He was everything Alex wasn’t. He didn’t offer the stability but he offered stimulation. He was amazing to be around. He was super polite, opened doors, took my arm when we crossed the street. An absolute gentleman. I started to think he was too good to be true. I wasn’t wrong. All the confidence he portrayed in life didn’t make it to the bedroom. In bed he over played everything. His idea of good sex was figuring out how many different positions we could do it in. I was flipped, twisted, and manoeuvred, into every position he could pretzel me into. (Note: This can be good, if, and only if, you’ve mastered the orgasm.) Unfortunately, I was too busy making sure my back was flexed properly in downward facing dog to give a shit what was happening to my vagina. Maybe, over time, I could have taught him, but why bother when there is another guy willing to try harder.

Jake was wiling to try. He was an interning architect for an amazing firm; he was attractive, well dressed, confident, and oh so smart we could talk about anything. Immediately I was impressed. Normally when I am working I don’t take anyone seriously when they hit on me, it’s part of the job to be a flirt. Something every guy should know. Servers flirt with you for the tip. That’s the truth, get used to it. However, occasionally, you get one who catches your interest. Jake did this wonderfully. He asked me questions about myself, and not the typical where do you go to school, where are you from? He asked me if I could live in any city in the world which would it be? What’s my favourite building in the world? These questions were great because they allowed me to talk about my time in Paris, and they worked to his advantage because then he got to talk about something he was passionate about. He made it a date without ever asking me, so when he actually did, I felt like I knew him already. Now, I have to take some credit for the Jay debacle. I fucked it up. Because he was the first guy I actually wanted to be with in such a long time I put the pressure on. We went a month with him just calling me once a week to go out. Granted he was busy, getting his masters and working full time, but I wanted someone that was around more than once a week, and I told him this. He took it as me being needy; we hadn’t had enough dates for him to know this couldn’t be farther from the truth. After my one demand of “ I would like to see you more than once a week”, he freaked and stopped calling. I just liked him and, to be honest, I wanted to fuck him silly. My advice to guys, don’t assume all girls are the same.

I like honesty. Aren’t we all getting tired of games? It’s games that got  us at this confused in the first place. If we never just say what we think, how are we supposed to know what anyone is thinking?  Okay, so maybe I dated all these guys at the same time, that doesn’t necessarily makes me dishonest. Jake was the only one who didn’t know, and maybe if he hadn’t freaked, we would be living in sexual non-monogamous bliss right now. Granted, not all girls are like me. I wanted to share these stories mostly so that men now just how picky girls can be, or at least the confident ones are. Most of the great women am acquainted with know exactly what they want, and the smallest things can completely turn them off a guy. Just like the smallest things, like me demanding to see Jake more, can turn a guy off. There is such a lack of understanding between the sexes. I want to help guys learn about women, because in the long run, it helps the women. It is no secret than most men are clueless when it comes to what woman want, but the more I read, the more I can’t help but agree with what the guys here have to say. They have somehow managed to create the perfect man, attentive lover, thoughtful, exciting; all around just gives a shit.

This Week we are featuring a Guest Post from Hans Comijn.

The Source of Attraction and The Paradox of Love

In my quest for beauty, my desire to celebrate and be immersed in female energy, I often wonder what it is in women that I love so much. I travel a lot with Zan, and when asked “What is it you miss the most during your travels?” the answer for me goes along the lines of “a place of rest… with a woman who comforts and nurtures me”. As Zan puts it, “My head on a woman’s breast, with her caressing my hair and telling me everything will be all right…” And I wonder… could it be that this image describes the essence of a woman – she nurturing me, the traveller, taking care of me, providing a place where I can lay my head to rest… is that the core of female energy?
I also wonder if my traveling is the essence of male energy.

The adventurer, out there in the wilderness, the warrior on a mission, caught up in something bigger, the man with a purpose. And if these images are meaningful articulations of male and female energy, then those differences in energy seem like a very viable source for the attraction between men and women, do they not? Going vs nurturing. She is attracted to, and enamored by, purposeful men, men who go. She wants to nurture the warrior.
Everywhere we go, women ask us how they can “land that guy”. She wants to bring home the adventurer, domesticate the one that seems ‘undomesticable’. And he, the traveller, the adventurer, misses and is attracted to the nurturing qualities of women. He loves to be taken care of. He loves to come ‘home’ after he was out there in the wilderness, following his purpose. If this makes any kind of sense, could it also be then that those differences in energy not only provide a viable source for the attraction between men and women, but that they also lie at the core of the paradox of love and many of the concerns and issues we have in terms of approaching, dating and relationships between men and women?

Is it not true that as soon as she ‘lands that guy’, as soon as she has brought home the adventurer she longed for, she starts losing her attraction for him?

Is it not true that as soon as he settles and stops going, as soon as he gives up his purpose and she becomes the adventure, he kills the man in him and the possibility to make her feel like a woman?

Why do we settle? Why do we almost invariably choose to instantly get rid of the pang of missing someone by choosing ‘forever’? Is what we think we want ignoring our very male and female core?

Could it be that what we think we want will not make us happy in the long run?

She thinks that what she really wants is to land that guy. She is convinced that bringing home the adventurer forever will make her happy. And he misses the place to rest she provides so much that he thinks he should settle. So he does, and they settle for each other. But maybe, in the process of settling, they overlook that the apparent paradox of love is also the very source of their attraction. Maybe she needs to claim, maybe she needs to try to bring him home, and maybe he needs to go anyway… in the name of attraction, in the name of all women and men.

Maybe you need to give her gift of missing you. Maybe you need to disappear, reappear and celebrate her… each time with newness and excitement, fully recharged with male energy. Like it is new all over again.
Maybe she deserves that…

~ Hans Comijn
Way of Attraction

Hans works and travels with Zan Perrion on his “Ars Amorata: a 90 Day Transformation” program:
- The revampled Ars Amorata program will be launched in January and you will be able to be a part of it from any city in the world!  Updates here: www.zanperrion.com/arsamorata.php or send us an email expressing your interest.
-You can become a friend of the “Ars Amorata” page on Facebook, where you can follow the Gypsy Caravan – www.facebook.com/arsamorata
and find out more about our Amorati network: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=140358111691&id=105365474264&ref=mf
- After 3 years we will hold another Weekend Intensive, Las Vegas, Jan 29 – Jan 31 2010
An announcement will be made soon on facebook, on www.zanperrion.com and on our forum www.naturalgame.com.

A lot of people believe that learning to be good with women, relationships, sex and the like makes it less real. It becomes fake, false, unreal, contrived.

Show me a natural in any sport and I’ll show you someone who has put in more time than any other athelte in their league. Any skill you learn, be it language, walking, counting, all were false, contrived and difficult until you made it part of you. Put in your time, practice, learn, review. After all, being a natural is something you become, not something you are born with.

Check out this video of Zan talking about looks and what makes men attractive to women.

No related posts.

1. Pull her hair – where her hair meets the back of her neck gently grab a handful of hair and slowly pull it. This taps into our primal days and will help arouse her. Do this when you are kissing for extra points.
2. Take your time. When you start to kiss her, when you move to her nether regions, take your time don’t rush in, let the anticipation build, tease her, make her beg for you to enter her.
3. Pin her down, use your weight and your strength to pin her hands to the mattress. Then ravish her, kiss her lips, her neck, etc. Once again tapping into the primal days.
   
4. Tease, tease, tease, kiss around her mouth, kiss around her nipples, kiss around her sacred area, but take care to avoid direct contact.
5. Remember that foreplay should start well before you are in the bedroom and should last for sometime. You have to build up her temperature, get her excited till her body can’t wait anymore. Use a little text game – “I’m going to ravish you later” – “My body is craving you” – etc. Start the day and run the foreplay for the whole duration.
6. Go for the soft skin. Inner thighs, the neck, the ear lobes, if the skin is soft it’s sensitive, so don’t forget these spots, kiss, touch, tickle, rub.
7. Communicate – some night over drinks mention “you did x the other night, that was really hot, anytime you want to do that again, I’m game.” give her a little coy look and graduate to the question game, no subject is taboo, you can answer “yes” “no” or “maybe” and go from there, you’ll get to know your lover far faster. “Tied up?” “Biting?” “Sensitive spots?” “Anal?” “Oral?” etc… Communication is key. Don’t overlook this.
8. Educate yourself. Tristan Taormino, Nina Hartley, Vivid Education, all have video series on every topic ranging from spanking, to masturbation, positions, and beyond. Even the Lover’s Guides are a decent place to start. Ask any woman, there is nothing sexier than a man that knows what he’s doing. Ladies this goes for you to, these videos have a lot to offer in your sexual education too.