Most guys I know feel that they don’t need help with their game (they do, we all do), whether their game is used for meeting dozens of beautiful models or just talking to that one special girl we all could use a little help. On the other side of the coin women have a deeper understanding that they could use a little help landing Mr. Right, nearly once a week a female friend comes forward and asks me for some help. Here is IDM’s definitive guide to meeting and landing Mr. Right this summer.

Traditionally, meeting Mr. Right is more of a passive activity, this guide will focus on being actively passive. More or less, making sure you are putting the best ingredients together for him to approach.

Looks – Physical attraction is important, millions of years of evolution ensured that we are looking for a healthy mate that will produce viable offspring, even though we aren’t battling sabre toothed tigers those evolutionary bi-products are still there.  You should look good when you leave the house, teeth should be clean and white, hair should be clean looking, clothing should be well fitting and feminine. Final message: You don’t want to leave the house looking like Sue Sylvester.

Health – More and more health is becoming important, start going to the gym, quit smoking and cut the sugar out of your diet. We don’t all want to date Marissa Miller, but we do want someone that cares about their health, you can be curvy, skinny or a big beautiful woman, but you should still be healthy. Final message: We don’t want you getting winded walking from the car nor do we want you blowing away on a windy day, we are looking for a life partner after all.

Confidence – I hear “I’m just an average girl” more than I can count. No one wants to date an average girl, no one wants to be average, just because you aren’t a Victoria Secret model that has a Nobel prize and Olympic medal doesn’t mean you are average. What average says to me? is you are willing to settle, you are bored with your life, tell me you are passionate, tell me you aren’t average, maybe you love Star Trek and love playing indoor soccer, that makes you unique. Instead of telling me you are just like everyone else (then why wouldn’t I want to date everyone else?) tell me why you aren’t like everyone else. Final Message – We want someone who is confident, motivated and happy.

Location – Not just for real estate. If you find Nerds sexy, chances are you aren’t going to meet them at some trashy downtown bar. If you want to meet a Doctor stop hanging out at Law School. What I’m getting at that you need to figure out what you are looking for in a man and then put yourself into the circle. Join a summer sports league, join a wine tasting group, join a guild of elves, really, it doesn’t matter what, but that you are actually taking a step forward to meeting the right person. Too many girls go to work, come home, go out with friends and that’s it, those are not ideal situations to meet Mr. Right.  Final Message – You meet a guy that appreciates art at a gallery, not at a night club.

Stay tuned for part 2.

IDM’s guide to writing a girl’s dating profile:

Listen up girls, we’ve spent the last few months looking at dating profiles, getting messages from girls on ours and evaluating what’s out there. Your goal with your dating profile is to ultimately meet someone and have some form of relationship with them. Here is our official guide to get the most and the best possible responses.

Photos matter – Whether your photos are public or not you should have 3 photos – one head shot, one full body shot, and one photo of you doing something that you love to do. Guys are visual when we look for a car we want to see the car before we buy it, knowing the specs alone won’t get us excited. We don’t want to be surprised that you are 100lbs when we were expecting a full figured goddess and vice a versa. If your photos are not public, when you message a guy, attach the photos, he’s not going to reply to a faceless creature, we want to know what you look like. If we aren’t attracted to you then you are wasting both your time and ours. Don’t post photos of your kids, your dog, your cat or your fish, it’s ok to have any of those but let’s ease us into that.

Most of the profiles have the same style “about me”. Have a look through at some other girls profiles then write yours make sure you are different, make sure you use punctuation, proper spelling and avoid slang. Don’t be afraid to be playful or to state what you are looking for and what you are not looking for. Display some confidence and most of all represent your best self. Finally, keep it short. We don’t want 14 pages on what you do, why you love your dog “Clover” and what type of kittens and ice cream you prefer. Tempt us, tease us, give us your best movie trailer, if we want more we’ll message you.

So you find a guy and you want to message him first.

Don’t:

Write a page about yourself.
Tell him why he’s awesome.
Write a two word msg. “Hi” is not an email.

Do:

Write a short blurb on why you messaged him. “Hey you seem kind of cool, you’re into ______, me too, I could totally kick your butt in it.”
Ask him an obscure but playful question “You seem cool, but to make sure…What is your favourite old school video game?”
Be playful, flirty and brief.

Here is an example of my favourite profile that I have come across:

Hi, I like sarcasm. My life is full of mind blowing drama that I am just waiting to unload on someone. I love having loud public arguments, especially when I get to make comparisons to my past failed relationships. Not only that, but! I am incredibly insecure and physically unattractive that I’ll most likely repeatedly ask you if you think I’m fat, only to say “I know you’re lying!” in response to whatever your answer may be, and somehow use it against you when you have a poker night planned with the boys. <-This paragraph clearly shows that she’s fun, she’s not going to be crazy or obsessive, and respects your space i.e. poker night with the boys and that she has enough of a brain to be funny about it.

In the meantime, I can also be serious, and mention things that I personally enjoy. Such as my family and friends, playing guitar, being active (gym, yoga, the outdoors), my job, travelling, and people that chew with their mouths closed. I love having a good laugh on a daily basis, and being surrounded by people that do the same. <- Ok So we know what she likes and what she does for fun and a typical day for her.

I am looking for someone who’s honest, loyal, caring, sincere and trustworthy. Who has morals, values and interests similar to my own and has an excellent character. Someone well educated and is happy and comfortable with themself, capable of making a commitment. Someone that loves their job, realizing the importance of financial stability, but understanding that there is more to life than materialism. Someone, who in the long run, would genuinely have my best interest at heart. Someone who has respect for the environment. A great sense of humour is a must. Someone that takes care of themself and is health conscious and active. Because yes, superficially speaking, looks are important and key to initial attraction, and being fit and healthy can make you attractive inside and out. <- Like a movie trailer she brought us in with the first part now we are getting to the meat of the story, not to heavy but enough that you really know if this is a film worth seeing and if you are the right audience for it.

So basically, if you’re a self-centered, ‘roid pumping, spray-tanned, arrogant, money hungry, insecure-with-a-chip-on-your-shoulder, unemployed angry highschool drop-out, don’t keep me waiting any longer and message me NOW! <- We finish up the same way we started on a fun playful note. Overall the whole profile is short, fun but serious and we know what she’s looking for so we won’t waste her time.

We left off at the Groom’s favourite pub. Here’s what really made the night -

The Checklist – Xander and I spent an hour one night ensuring that we make the Groom and the rest of the guys get out of their shells and totally rock the night. We came up with a checklist of things that the Groom would have to do and have signed off on by one of us. Here’s the list:

We started the Groom off nice and slow and built it up to the improbable. It made the night fun and no excuses were to be made, if it was on the list, it was to be attempted. Even at the first low-key venue we were flying through the check list.

This worked for a few reasons – The list detached the Groom from responsibility, it was the list incharge, not him. He fearlessly went at every single one as best he could. It allowed him to open girls with a simple “hey can you help me out, I’m on this scavenger hunt and…” NOT one girl was upset, objected or protested to the idea, if they weren’t interested in partaking they would usually offer to buy him a drink or find someone to help him check off an item.

Ok, on to the next venue. We headed up the street to a high end, high class club. The kind of place that has a $25 cover charge and big scary bouncers out front. Xander was not sure until the day of where we were going, so pre-arranging with the manager was not an option. We had no choice but to run game with the bouncers, we started fast and early by joking with them, acting as if we were long lost friends and inquiring to see if the manager was free to greet us. We were in luck, it was just early enough in the night, not to busy yet. Xander ran his magic, chatted up the manager but we ran into a road block, no VIP tables were available for the night. The manager said he’d find something for us and paraded us into the club, neon shirts glowing and all.  The manager walked us into the VIP room that overlooked the club, turned the lights on and set us up with some complimentary drinks. The night was well on it’s way, the rest of the night was a blur, didn’t end till the sun came up and most of the scavenger hunt was complete.

That’s how you throw and awesome bachelor party. Not with money, not with strippers, with confidence, planning and execution.

The man, the shirt, the results.

Last July, Myself, Xander and a few other friends descended upon the San Francisco Bay Area for a week of fun, excitement and “Woo”.

Xander was charged with being the best man, planning, arranging and putting everything together. He had a lot on his plate so I offered up my ideas and my labour to help him get everything he needed done. On the flight in we started trying to conceptualize the bachelor party. Sure, you can take a guy out to a trashy strip club, you can take him paint balling, golfing or to a shooting range.

What we wanted to do was show him a no rule, no limit night of fun. Think louder than 11.

Here’s how we did it…

2 weeks prior to the wedding we decided that t shirts would be needed, a form of peacocking for the night, a way to bring the team feeling together on our night out, and finally a way for us to help find each other in a crowded club. Our shirts were safety green and hot pink, it was impossible to not spot any of us from 1000 yards. Luckily we did not have to try to hide from the police.

2 days prior to the wedding was the day set for the bachelor party. Why? it’s enough time to ensure that all parties involved can be bailed out of jail, found on the roof of a casino, replaced, etc. Further more it allows all hangovers to be recovered from. We also used hotwire.com to find a cheap hotel room, we managed to get a $500 a night room in a downtown hotel for less than $100. This provided a base of operation as well helped set the tone for the night, imagine your friends taking you into a  5 diamond hotel (not star, diamond…) to start your night, remember, it’s always about context.

Once in the hotel we had a few shots, got ready, surprised the groom once again with the t-shirts and some good scotch to drink. He was already buzzing from excitement. This night was destined for greatness.

We had previously found out where his favourite pub was and started there for food and drinks. Xander called in advance to book a large table and get friendly with the manager. During this phone call he set it up that this place was the Groom’s favourite place and that we would be celebrating his coming nuptials.  This takes a page from “the bouncer is your friend”. On arrival the entire staff was aware why we were they and made us right at home, providing excellent service, free drinks.

Stay tuned for part two and the secret of the checklist…

If you want to play the Game, you’ve got to know the Rules.

In his international bestseller The Game, Neil Strauss delved into the secret world of pickup artists—men who have made a science out of the art of seduction. Now, in this bestselling companion book, Strauss breaks down the knowledge he learned and techniques he invented into simple step-by-step instructions that anyone can follow to have success with women. This expanded one-volume edition of Rules of the Game includes a new preface and a whole new book of powerful, field-tested word-for-word routines, published here for the first time. You don’t need money, looks, or fame to succeed with women. All you need is an understanding of how attraction works—and this thirty-day workout program for your social skills, which has already guided tens of thousands of men from frustration to fulfillment.

Starting in Mid April, Xander and myself will go through the entire 30 day challenge making regular posts summing up the challenges as well as our results. You can pick up a copy from here and play along:

Rules of the Game

Sunset in the Jungle, something I have always wanted to see.

Whew, I almost ran out of content ideas, it can be a challenge sometimes to find a good topic to write about, especially since I’ve been super busy travelling the world. In the last 2 months I have been all over South East Asia doing somethings I have always wanted to do. Actually I have wanted to do these things since last Spring. Once they came to mind, I put together a plan, figured out the costs and then did everything I had to do to make sure they happen, now they are happening.

Stop number 3 has me at a Muay Thai training camp in Thailand, there are pro UFC fighters, World Champion Kickboxers and the like. On the other side of the coin there are are firemen, engineers, students, teachers, and store clerks. They realized that training Muay Thai was something they wanted to do and they are doing it, not to be the next UFC champion, but simply because they wanted the experience and the excitement that travel and learning can bring. These people have boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, husbands, jobs, children, loan payments, cars, homes and family back home. They come from places like Siberia, Germany, England, Brazil, Usa and beyond, some are wealthy some are poor, regardless they are here, getting the most out of the time they have. They stopped looking for the “no” (I can’t because of __________) and found the yes.

Meanwhile there are people sitting at home, constrained by their ideas, limitations of their minds they’ll come across someone that has travelled the South China, that has climbed the highest mountain in Europe, took salsa dancing in Rio or learned Russian in Moscow. They’ll say how much they have always wanted to do something like that but couldn’t because their favourite colour is orange or they like gold fish or some other reason that doesn’t really matter.

Check out this video on why it’s important to take risks and why not taking risks will kill you.

First of all your display photo speaks volumes.

Sunglasses inside, macho cool guy stance, popped collars, sideways hats. The world has a douche bag alarm and people are running for cover.

Gang signs. Look gentlemen, it’s obvious you are not in a gang. It’s also obvious that you can’t just stand there and have your photo taken comfortably so you need a crutch to hold you up, unfortunately throwing up a gang sign makes you look like a complete tool. Where is your popped collar?

Anything with your shirt off. Especially if you are by yourself cause we know 2 minutes before this photo was taken you were talking about how you need a new display photo for your profile and you want to show people how ripped you are and what colour a boiled lobster looks like.

Stay tuned for how to do it right.

We missed a post last week. Things have been busy here at IDM (as we all are involved in other projects and it seems to be crunch time for most of us. Xander will be back soon with a new post and I’ll be writing some peices when I get back from the road.

In the mean time I have a few daily challenges for you to help get you outside of the box.

1. Sit down on the floor and take a breath. Next time you are at Starbucks, the grocery store. Have a seat and see how it feels. See how people react to you sitting in the middle of the floor. Live outside the box.

2. Meet 3 new people today. Try Xander’s technique of “Hi, I’m Xander” and extend your hand. See where it goes.

3. Feeling tired? a little bored? out of energy? Hit the floor and do some pushups. Does it change the wall you feel?

I like the feeling of being perceived as a hot guy. I’m not deluded by it nor do I think it’s the be all end all of anything, it’s just a sensation I enjoy. Women have so much power in this arena that they command men with the slightest glance or flip of the hair and as far as I’m concerned, I want in. So my idea of sexy went something like this: A&F muscle fit white polo with the collar standing straight up and the neck of the shirt sitting wide on the chest so you see a large triangle of my neck line not tiny bit of skin. Military green A&F rugged sentinel jacket, belt with a sideways cross as the buckle pulled to one side, loose jeans that I can move in, Italian shoes, great cologne and a green military cap pulled down over my eyes and to the right. Looking at me dead on you catch my gaze but the first thing you notice is my jaw line, mouth, unshaved face and the low hat. Now guys, I’m not trying to write gay porn here; but you’ve got to get a visual to see how this works. Dressing like that changes things. It changes the way you feel, the way you walk and the way people respond to you. It changes the attention that women give you and also the respect (or jealousy) that men throw your way. It’s like being in costume. Women are in costume all the time: makeup, heels, jewelry, earrings, skirts, racy tops, hairstyles, beads, charms, stones, nail polish… come on. Just think Halloween and you’ve got your costume on—you can break out of who you are no matter how tame or wild you normally are.
Alright, so dinner was fun and afterwards we made our way to the club next door. It was early and we were one of 10 people there so far but that didn’t stop the smoke machines from spilling out in the room, the music banging, the huge Chinese lanterns above from glowing luminescent and a trio of Belvedere vodka girls from approaching us to sample their poison. My friend is a sexy little thing that’s nearly 40 but she is from an older generation so her dancing mixing with my breed of dancing is a little unique to watch but we did well and drew some positive attention. Finally the floor filled and within the hour, as is wont to happen in club environments, standing room is about all you get to try and do your thing. Bouncers were protecting the bottle service territory i.e. every possible booth in the place one might sit.
At some point probably close to midnight either the DJ got intelligent or got switched out and he stopped abruptly switching songs from 70s to 2000’s without so much of a fade in and finally put on some really good hip hop. You can generally feel the energy of the room change when a DJ mixes well. It’s a building, an increase of energy, an excitement… like being mile high on X in front of a wall of speakers at a rave during a techno drum climax with glow sticks… Yeah anyway.
My friend needs to get up early the next day and leaves juuuuuuuuuuuust as a couple of very cute girls make their way over to me. One is wearing silk and here’s where it gets good. I’m fascinated by the power of dance. Done right it’s like a mating call or a call to action. If you could put into words the response that a woman has when she sees someone dancing that excites her, once you clear out all of her self-talk garbage like “Oh, he dances better than me and I don’t want him to look better than me, or I’m the woman and that’s intimidating, or it’s girls night or I have a boyfriend I shouldn’t feel this way” it would sound something like:
“I’m yours. If you want to, you can just put yourself inside me now, but I’d rather you tease me a little bit. Make me feel sexy. Make me feel like a woman. Touch me, grind me and move like a man. Confidently, aggressively… You don’t even have to say a word. Just take me, I’m yours.” Yup.
So we have a little of that going on and within moments my hands are presented with full access to a very round ass that’s being thrust on me, legs, chest and whatever else… Just play with it nicely says her energy… I can do that.
30 minutes of this and dancing off each other and crunking out — wait am I allowed to say that as a white guy? — and we get some air outside. My favorite part: “I’m Jessica by the way,” she says, accompanied by an outstretched hand begging for a formal hand shake. Our bodies just finished speaking a very different language inside the club, and yet, here is this hand and name introduction. I know what your body feels like but now let’s shake hands. It’s just odd but girls do it. I politely shake and pull her in for a hug.
Women, or people rather respond in kind so my energy is calibrated to be calm, friendly and more and more these days as REAL as I can possibly be. I just do me.
The more I look at this girl and her friend who by the way is celebrating her birthday and flits in and out of our conversation, the more they look familiar—always a good sign. So, we’re talking, she asks a lot of questions and birthday girl comes back to the mix. Now I am introduced again by name and she says “OH! That’s a unique name! That’s the same name our dance and yoga instructor had from a long time ago, remember Jess?” Well, turns out I WAS their dance and yoga instructor FIVE years ago. They thought “awkward,” but I thought hilarious, and then as the friend always does, she says, “Take good care of her she’s a good girl,” and birthday girl goes home.
Law of attraction is a faithful companion. It is there in every moment to tell you exactly what you’re putting out and exactly what you’re getting in return. It’s a constant signal responding to how you’re thinking and feeling; not 4 years ago, as a child, in high school or even last year, but now right now. Now right now. Now right now. But still I am happily amazed how I literally did not know a soul in this club of 300 people and who do I gravitate towards? Who do I get lined up with? These two. So cool.
Now believe it or now I am not going to tell you the story of how I then told her I was leaving and asked if she was too, gave her a ride to her car, smoothly invited her over, she followed me to my house, went right to my bedroom climbed in my bed and fucked like crazy as it rained outside until we exhausted ourselves.
I am going to tell you the story however of how it was raining, I told her I was leaving and asked if she was too, gave her a ride to her car, smoothly invited her over, she followed me to my house, went right to my bedroom without any alcohol drugs or other, climbed right in my bed and…
Talked. Yeah Talked. For the better part of an hour. I was not attracted to her. And by the way, I strongly advise against fucking a girl just because she’s there, or because she has nice tits or because you’re horny unless you’re really feeling a connection with her. And I don’t mean the most amazing connection of your life, like a jump into a relationship connection, or this is a girl I can date or I love this girl or any of that. I just mean does she get you going? Do you feel that hot energy between you two? Does she make you feel like if you don’t have her then and now the world might just come to and end.

A while back I was eating alone in a restaurant and a gorgeous Ukranian girl took my order. Big blue eyes, long black hair past her bum, enormous full, round perfect breasts, full kissable mouth. Our eyes met and I wanted her. She wound up getting off shortly after and needed a ride home. I offered. After stopping the car in front of her house, moments after meeting her, she told me I could ask for her number and I just smiled, leaned over, cupped my hand around the back of her neck and kissed her. And kissed her. And kissed her. My temperature gauge in the car must have surely been wrong? 106 degrees? It was HOT. A few minutes later she said, “We HAVE to stop, give me your number!” A week later and after some really spectacular sex we were talking about how we met (You can only make comments about how you met, and how attracted you were to each other when you met AFTER you have sex, then it’s a fun topic of conversation) and she said: “I knew it the second our eyes met.” That is what I mean when I say you FEEL it. Pause, pause, pause.

So back to my story of the girl from the club who is in my bed talking to me and is now, now giving me a foot massage. I’m not horny, I am not attracted to her and I really just feel like a massage but I am exhausted. I say, I’m too tired to return the favor she says, it’s ok, just lay here. Relax. It’s ok if you fall asleep, I had fun. I say I’m being a bad host, but I’m just so sleepy… Her hands begin to tighten and squeeze around my shoulders and neck, I feel my face melting into my down pillow and it’s so damn comfortable. I say, you’re gonna put me to sleep with that massage and she says, it’s ok, just enjoy it, I’ll see myself out… And then come the caresses. Who doesn’t love to be caressed softly by a woman? Caresses on my arm, on my face, on my cheek. Am I in heaven? I peel back an eyelid to look at her and smile in appreciation. She is just there, looking at me, smiling at me, caressing. I let the weight of my body sink into my bed and move my legs slowly around to feel the sheets. Then more caresses just on my face, on my face until…
I’m wake up the next morning. Just me. I’m still marinating in my bed feeling relaxed. That’s not an experience you have every day. That which is like unto itself is drawn: Law of Attraction is a faithful companion. If you’re tuned in it gives you everything you need whenever you ask for it. You can have it however you want it friends. And that was exactly what I needed that night. Any belief, any thought that pops into your mind that tells you otherwise is just the excuse that we use to keep ourselves from it. There is no wrong here, there is no one way here, just the way that we want to create our life. There is something to focusing on seeing what you want to see, believing what you want to believe, and those experiences present themselves to you… always.
Till next time. I’m out.
T