please, please, please go on a date with me? No? pleeeeease?

Would you like me to kick you in the shin?

The 99% of people would say a definite “NO” to this answer. I mean who really wants a kick in the shin?

What if I rephrased the question, would people say yes to a kick in the shin?

Would you prefer a kick in the shin or a punch in the face?

Instantly we’ll have the other 99% of people request a kick in the shin.

This all stems from a sales technique – “Don’t give people the option you don’t want them to choose.”
In this technique you learn to ask people either or questions or you assume the answer then then give them a “when” question. When applied to dating it can communicate confidence as well as weed out any chance for her to say no.

Here is how it works – “We should grab a coffee sometime, what day works best for you?” – Here you have assumed that the answer to grabbing a coffee will be yes and you’ve given them the option to set time.  By asking an open ended question it makes it difficult and socially awkward for the person to say NO unless the ultimately think you are a creep they will respond with a day and time they are free and then you can go from there.  Ultimately an attractive girl will be approached thousands of times in her life and as she doesn’t have the time to meet all thousand guys for coffee she has developed an automatic “no” response, using this style of asking will ensure that her automatic “no”  will be averted and she will actually get the chance to meet you.

If you want to play the Game, you’ve got to know the Rules.

In his international bestseller The Game, Neil Strauss delved into the secret world of pickup artists—men who have made a science out of the art of seduction. Now, in this bestselling companion book, Strauss breaks down the knowledge he learned and techniques he invented into simple step-by-step instructions that anyone can follow to have success with women. This expanded one-volume edition of Rules of the Game includes a new preface and a whole new book of powerful, field-tested word-for-word routines, published here for the first time. You don’t need money, looks, or fame to succeed with women. All you need is an understanding of how attraction works—and this thirty-day workout program for your social skills, which has already guided tens of thousands of men from frustration to fulfillment.

Starting in Mid April, Xander and myself will go through the entire 30 day challenge making regular posts summing up the challenges as well as our results. You can pick up a copy from here and play along:

Rules of the Game

Some break-ups are not that bad, some are terrible, especially ones that occur because of things out of your control.  Emotions run wild, hate, anger, love, loss, loneliness, despair, hope, happiness and often cycle and repeat.  There is no definitive way to get over that heartbreak, but these ways can help and will make sure you don’t end up looking like a psycho/jackass/bag of douche.

• Be who you’ve always been. Think about who you are, would your normal self call your ex drunk and crying at 3am asking for them back? most likely not. When these uncharacteristic tendencies creep in, remind yourself who you are and what behaviour is typical of you. Even if you want them back, just continue to be YOU, turning into a whiny crying emotional bitch won’t do anything but reinforce the decision to split. Being composed, confident and strong will further make them question the breakup if that is what you want them to do.
• Take things that remind you of them and place these items in safe place out of sight. You are going to need some time to get over the reminders of  your ex. I’m sure they were a part of your life and now they are not, the less you have around to remind you of that part of your life the better. Don’t destroy those things, don’t throw them out, just put them aside until the heart has healed itself.
• Use this as time to start something new. Want to learn to play music? Sign up for lessons. Join a new gym. Be part of a rec sports league. The more you are out of the house and interacting the better. The worst thing you can do is sit home and wallow in your self pity, an added bonus is that you’ll be more likely to meet someone new.
• Cailean once said – “The best way to get over an old love is to get under a new one.” Now I’m not suggesting you go out on a heart breaking marathon or endanger yourself in any physical, mental or sexual way, but some physical contact with someone new can help with the heart break. Make sure you don’t mention anything about your recent ex nor should you lead the other person on. Be congruent with who you are.
• Take them out of your phone, take them off your messenger list, remove them from your sight. You’re going to get weak and call, text, email, msg something you regret, the less they are the the better off you’ll be and the less likely you’ll msg them.
• Don’t play the blame game and don’t let your ego get in the way. You are an awesome person, they are an awesome person it SUCKS for both people that you have to part ways but do so with grace and respect, regardless of the cause of the split. Speaking nothing but good words about them and do nothing but good actions with regards to the situation. Only little kids throw temper tantrums. Be an Adult.

No related posts.

So what does snowboarding have to with this website? Well the other night I was out with a few friends, We had be chatting and enjoying our night talking about various events but then a girl appeared. Both my friends stopped dead in their tracks “wow, she’s hot, I want to talk to her” they both muttered and then continued to sit there. I on the other hand figured out a way to talk to her so that I didn’t appear to be hitting on her. With this in my arsenal I decided at the start of the next song I’d put my plan into action. Instantly the fear kicked in, I felt like I was strapping into my snowboard at top of Blackcomb mountain ready to drop into the Superpipe. I quickly jumped up and rolled onto the dance floor before I could let the anxiety paralyze me. My approach was simple – find the funnest girl on the dance floor that I wasn’t interested in and dance with her. The music was swing/blues so I was at home as I had taken a series of dance classes before and knew I wasn’t a great dancer but I was a better dancer than anyone else there. I was having a great time spinning and swinging this girl around laughing and joking. Instantly I was the star that put my social value up to a ten and I knew that the girl that my friends were interested in would notice this. She did.

My friend joined me on the dance floor and engaged her, she was more interested in me, problem? nope not at all. I started to dance with her and showed her a great time spinning and swinging her around. She was laughing and trying to find out everything she could about me. I dodged question after question and continued to talk about how I was there with my friend and how cool he was and I that I was so stoked that he had called me to come out. We danced for another song, I informed her that I had work in the morning and I had to leave but my friend was staying and that she should have a good night. No numbers or emails were exchanged to reinforce that I wasn’t interested in her (which was true).

Here is how it happened step by step you can chose to apply the ones you like.

1. interest was expressed in a particular girl by my friends.
2. I devised a way to talk to her and ACTED as soon as possible to overcome the anxiety.
3. On my way to start the interaction my anxiety peaked and then steadily declined after all the plan was in action and it was too late to turn back.
4. I increased my social value showing that I was a fun and care free person (and a good dancer).
5. I chatted with the girl and increased my social value.
6. To interest her in my friend I talked about how great he was which maintained my social value but ranked his higher than mine.
7. I left her wanting my friend and headed home to get some food and go to bed.
8. She became interested in my friend and they hit it off.

I can tell you that every time I initiate an interaction with a girl I get approach anxiety, my heart flutters and I get a dreadful feeling. The best daters in the world do, Rockstars and Athletes do, you’ll never get rid of that feeling but you have to embrace it and go for it. If I hadn’t of we would have just sat at the table all night and he wouldn’t have met a great girl and she wouldn’t have met to great guys, one of which who was a pretty good dancer.

Now folks, this doesn’t have to be applied to just guys meeting a girl, a girl can just as easily do it to a guy. You just have to get over your approach anxiety.

(I’ll paraphrase a bit)

I was in Boston on business with my brother and we thought we’d go out for a drink at a pub down the road. I went up to the bar to order a drink and I noticed the girl standing beside me was quite attractive. It was cold that night, so she had her sweater draped over shoulders and not on properly. So, being the playful flirty guy that I am, I grabbed the arms of her sweater, flung them around as I laughed and said, “hey you, where are your arms?” She looked at me with a sour look on her face and said “I don’t have any arms. I’m an amputee.” and showed me the stumps where her arms were. Ouch. Then her friends, who overheard the conversation, yelled at me, “what a jerk! How can you be so insensitive?!”

I felt terrible. I apologized, and told her friends I didn’t know and was just being playful… I bought her a drink, said I was really sorry again and left the bar.

I want to point out a few things. Yes, it is a pretty embarrassing story, and now I’ll think twice now about pulling girls’ sweaters when out at the bar. But I would like to note Doc’s attitude about what happened: He apologized, bought her a drink, and talked with her friends to make sure they would tell her that he was sorry and hadn’t done anything to purposely hurt her feelings. As a side note, he now has one of the best answers to that “what’s the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?” question.

Okay, so now that I’ve scared you out of ever talking to women ever again, I want you to relax your shoulders, breathe in slowly, and breathe out a deep sigh of relief. Because you will statistically never have to go through something that embarrassing/awkward when you start a conversation with a girl you don’t know. Not even close. Out of all the people I know who approach women on a regular basis, they generally haven’t had drinks poured on them, and no slaps in the face to talk about. Women are just not that scary (when they’re not shopping for shoes…).

Let’s talk about your life then. Say you’re hanging out with a few friends at your college bar and you notice a girl that fits your “type.” She’s a brunette, a little bit shorter than you, and she’s wearing a t-shirt with your favorite obscure rock band on it. And she’s drop-dead gorgeous.

The problem is that you’re scared to go up and talk to her. Why? Our brains have evolutionarily evolved to protect us in our cave-man societies of 50 people or less. Within those small societies, our brains evolved to protect us from talking with strangers, especially physically attractive strangers that likely have an alpha male as a mate. It’s a protection mechanism, but in our society today it is not serving you.

So, I’m going to play psychologist here and analyze your fear of approaching your cute college girl, according to Dale Carnegie’s 3 Steps to Overcome Worry/Fear:

1)What’s the worst that could happen? Describe your absolute worst-case scenario.

“When I go up and talk to her, she’ll laugh at me, tell me that I should jump off a bridge and die, and then tell all of her friends, my friends, and everyone she meets about how much of a dork I am…People will see me fail, and I’ll be embarrassed.”

2)Analyze your worst case scenario: is it likely? No. But let’s say for sake of argument, that it is. Hypothetically allow yourself to deal with that possibility. Would it be the end of the world?

“Well, I guess she probably wouldn’t be really mean to me and throw water in my face… But if she did, I guess I’d feel pretty shit about it. But I suppose I could deal with it – and maybe be able to laugh at the situation. Plus, I’d have a hilarious story to tell my friends.”

3)What are some ways that you could minimize the likelihood of the worst case scenario happening?

“I could create a good first impression by always looking after my physical appearance, even if I’m just going to the grocery store… And I could have a few interesting things to say or funny stories about things that happened recently, so I don’t feel like I have nothing to talk about…”

The point is, there’s a lot you can do to minimize that far-off and unlikely worst-case scenario. And anything that you do regularly gets easier as you learn the necessary skill set. Approaching women, going in for the first kiss, whatever it is you’re scared of.

Out of all the interactions I’ve had with approaching and talking with women, the worst that’s ever happened to me is simply a cold shoulder or a brief, awkward conversation. And if I look at the positives that have come out of the interactions: meeting literally thousands of new people; going on dates; a feeling of being able to be adventurous in even the most ‘everyday’ situations… I’m quite happy I get over that little fear each time, and do it anyway.

Through extensive studying I have learned a lot about how people work, how they think and how they act, so I settled in behind the bar to watch how my girlfriend interacted with various tables, how patrons interacted with each other and what I could learn from this. From the very first second it was obvious to me that Mystery’s teachings (from the Mystery Method) as well as Neil Strauss’ book “The Game – Penetrating the secret society of pickup artists” were bang on. I’d watch guys lean in towards a girl and see the girl pull away, I’d watch as girls became interested in the “cool” males in the bar and give off unconscious signs such as touching their hair and changes in their body language. It was awesome just sitting there, mixing drinks, meeting people and watching and learning.

Now, let us focus on the main point of writing this article and that is “Game” or lack of it. We all have friends that have game, they are good with women and don’t know why, you might be one or you might not be, but you should read this either way, it’ll help explain how the whole dating/meeting girls scene works.

Throughout the course of the night I watched guy after guy after guy approach my girlfriend and say something along the line of :

“Wow, you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.”

How does she deal with this?

The same way you deal with a homeless person asking you for change, she feels slightly uncomfortable, she wants to get out of that situation as quickly as possible and end the interaction.
Why? Just like all the homeless people that ask if you can spare some change ALL the guys (well at least 95% of them) say the exact same thing to her, she’s heard it ALL before (as have 99% of every other girl on the planet) as you’ve heard all kinds of the same stories from street bums. Unlike street bums these guys offer to buy her a drink, they flatter her with compliments and ask her questions about herself, continuing the cycle of her wanting to get out of that situation as quickly as possible.

So after watching 3 days of guys going down in flames hitting on the bar staff, how would I advise you to proceed?

When approaching Waitresses, Bartenders, or any girl for that matter DON’T:

• Compliment her on ANYTHING, especially her looks, clothing, shoes etc. She’s heard it all before and you have to convey that you are not like EVERY other guy.
• Offer to Buy her a drink, lunch, dinner, or do anything for her. Offering to do something for her says to her “I’m of lower status than you, but I can buy/do things for you to make up for it”
• Lean towards her, move towards her, even change your body position when she comes over, it’ll make her feel like you are trying to engage her and she’ll feel uncomfortable.
• Try to impress her (or anyone for that matter) with money or large tips. The beatles where right you can’t buy love and you’ll end up looking like a pompass rich boy if you try.
• Talk about yourself, what you do, own, drive, etc. Don’t give up that information freely and if she is interested enough to ask joke about it. Tell her you race unicycles for a living or that you invented shoe laces. She’ll laugh and see that you aren’t trying to impress her like every other guys does.

Do:

• Joke with her, tease her (in a playful way, you don’t want to make her feel stupid) she’ll appreciate the humour and might just become interested in you. After all most girls list sense of humour in the #1 most important quality a potential partner must possess.
• Sit back, take up space and be cool. By sitting back and relaxing you show everyone that you are comfortable with yourself and that you can enjoy the moment. (don’t slouch)

Well I’d suggest looking through some David Deangelo material, taking a seminar or even reading “The Game penetrating the secret socitety of pick up artists” Why would I suggest these? Because I was the guy telling girls they were “the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen” and then I was going home alone to ponder why they weren’t interested. I stumbled into this world of self improvement and things continue to improve for me on a daily basis.

The casino that we’re playing at has given each of us a very high bankroll to do with what we please. The agreement is that we don’t have to pay back what we lose, but we get to keep and enjoy everything that we win. Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? What would you do, if you knew you had nothing to lose?

This is the mindset you need when going out to approach women.

In our lives, we can approach and interact with as many women as we wish, and if we get rejected once (or many times), it won’t affect our lives — unless we let it. We don’t have to “pay anything back.”

On the other hand, if we get a collect a few phone numbers from interesting, beautiful women, we get to keep those. We might get a date, five dates, a girlfriend, or just a new friend to hang out with out of it. Either way, we get to keep our ‘winnings’.

Some guys will say, “but there are real consequences to getting rejected when approaching women.” Not really. Unless you live in a town of 200, any unsuccessful interaction with a woman doesn’t really matter. Shrug off that little feeling, take a break if you need it, but you haven’t really lost. You still have that high bankroll that you never have to pay back, so get back out there and start playing again.

I want to give a quick credit to David Deangelo from Double Your Dating, who first introduced me to the very powerfull casino mindset a few years ago. Thanks David.