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Whether it be the dating world, the business world, or even with friends. Focus on making the interaction awesome and not on what the outcome of the interaction will be. I promise you if the interaction is awesome the outcome will always be awesome. If you focus on the outcome then the interaction will suffer as will the result.

I’ve been single for a while now. While it bugs me to no end when people say “Got a man yet?” usually these people, who lack in basic grammar skills, also lack in great relationships. When I look at these people and their partners, I believe they promote the reasons I’m single. All of my girlfriends are attached to someone, yet their relationships don’t inspire me to run out and get the next available guy. I witness a lot of boredom, disrespect and unhappiness. Yet they tell me “You’re too picky!” Frankly, I don’t think they’re picky enough. I have some simple things I look for when I meet a guy, and while my standards may be high, they will make me happy, so why not wait to find someone who meets most of my requirements?

I don’t think girls are terribly hard to figure out. The biggest turn-off for me is drugs. I know a lot of people in my neck of the woods think I’m being too strict on that, but I don’t want to date someone who isn’t himself around me. So keep it legal and it’s a good start. I like a man to have an education beyond high school, that may sound pretentious, (I am no rich girl however, and I paid for my first degree with tips from my part-time job) but I think brains are sexy, and I also think goals and dreams are sexy. Guys who read regularly are an added bonus. Yes, looks are important, but what I’m attracted is different from what other girls are attracted to, I like tall, slim guys with a nice set of chompers that bathe daily. There’s a long-standing debate about chivalry between men and women, and I don’t think it’s dead. I’m very independent, but I don’t think holding a door for me takes away from that.

Obviously my list can be completely different from other girls, but we just want someone who digs us and treats us well. I want someone who is loyal and respectful to me, fun to be around, sure of himself, challenges me and makes me smile more than makes me cry. Is that too picky? I’m not sure where I’ll meet him, but in the mean time, I’m going to focus on my goals and dreams. Perhaps the next time I hear “Got a man yet?” I’ll respond with “Got a job yet?”, “Gotten rid of your guy yet?”, “On the diet yet?” and people won’t be so quick to judge me, I’m only holding out for the best!

Sexy People never stay single for very long. It’s really easy to get dates, the hard part comes when you have to figure out how to make a relationship last. I had a recent brush with monogamy that has left me feeling a little bit lonely, a little bit older and a little bit wondering if I’ll be an old lady with 20 cats one day. I really don’t want to live my life vicariously through soap operas with itchy eyes and hairballs on my furniture, so after I ended my two month relationship I started to evaluate myself and my ability to be in a long term, monogamous relationship. If I couldn’t make it work with Mr. Perfect then what are my chances with future prospects? I picked up the phone to call my Mom. I’m not exactly sure what I expected from that conversation but it certainly wasn’t “you are mean, rude, way too picky and destined to be alone.” So I hung up and quickly called my sister. She always has a great way of putting things into perspective and after convincing me that Mom didn’t mean it and reminding me that no matter how sad you are, Dane Cook can always make you laugh, I hung up the phone, took a deep breath in, swallowed the lump in my throat and smiled to myself. I’m single again!

Everything that I love about being single came to mind and I skipped over to my closet, pulled on a long salmon colored vintage blouse that I converted into a dress, brown boots from Paris that always seem to make my legs look at least 4 inches longer (European designers really know their stuff) and headed out for drinks with some of my most fabulous single friends and some friends who, while they are a couple, still seem to be having a great time together. Looking around at the group, I start to wonder if my mother is right. Am I destined to be single? Do I make men miserable? The more I questioned myself the more I wanted to know how others deal and what makes them tick in relationships. My friend big J is a serial monogamist. He is always in a relationship and always looking for a way out of it. He has a big heart and I know that deep down inside he wants to stay with one woman forever, he just has a hard time choosing. When I asked him why he broke up with his most recent woman friend, he told me something that is probably pretty common among men, “whatever type of girl I have, I always want the opposite.” Meaning, if the girl he has is tall and thin, he can’t stop eyeing girls with curves, he finally gets the curvy one and can’t stop eyeing the petite version. He is only guilty of loving all women and I find it fascinating. How many men feel this way but keep it to themselves and hold on to what they have even though they are dying to try something new?

Same night, I look across the table at a couple of friends of mine who seem to have it all figured out. Both winners of the genetic lottery, the answer seemed simple. Find someone as hot as you are and live happily ever after. But even hot people get annoying and looks fade so I wonder what will happen to these two in a few years? Will he be out in search of a thinner more youthful version of what he has? And will she be at home waiting patiently for the postman who delivers large packages and tells her she’s the youngest and thinnest of them all? Only time will tell I guess. And I think that’s the key to a great relationship. Time. There’s a time and a place for everything. And right now is my time to be single. Friends are already trying to set me up on dates and it’s only been a week. So here’s my 2008 resolution: Meet as many new men as possible. Flirt with the possibility of a relationship while staying focused on my goals. Next time I have a brush with monogamy I might be ready, but until then I’m going to take my own advice and make plans plans and more plans. So many plans that I couldn’t possibly keep them all. If it turns out that my Mom is right, I’ll be way too busy to notice that I’m alone.

Sexy People never stay single for very long. It’s really easy to get dates, the hard part comes when you have to figure out how to make a relationship last. I had a recent brush with monogamy that has left me feeling a little bit lonely, a little bit older and a little bit wondering if I’ll be an old lady with 20 cats one day. I really don’t want to live my life vicariously through soap operas with itchy eyes and hairballs on my furniture, so after I ended my two month relationship I started to evaluate myself and my ability to be in a long term, monogamous relationship. If I couldn’t make it work with Mr. Perfect then what are my chances with future prospects? I picked up the phone to call my Mom. I’m not exactly sure what I expected from that conversation but it certainly wasn’t “you are mean, rude, way too picky and destined to be alone.” So I hung up and quickly called my sister. She always has a great way of putting things into perspective and after convincing me that Mom didn’t mean it and reminding me that no matter how sad you are, Dane Cook can always make you laugh, I hung up the phone, took a deep breath in, swallowed the lump in my throat and smiled to myself. I’m single again! Everything that I love about being single came to mind and I skipped over to my closet, pulled on a long salmon colored vintage blouse that I converted into a dress, brown boots from Paris that always seem to make my legs look at least 4 inches longer (European designers really know their stuff) and headed out for drinks with some of my most fabulous single friends and some friends who, while they are a couple, still seem to be having a great time together. Looking around at the group, I start to wonder if my mother is right. Am I destined to be single? Do I make men miserable? The more I questioned myself the more I wanted to know how others deal and what makes them tick in relationships. My friend big J is a serial monogamist. He is always in a relationship and always looking for a way out of it. He has a big heart and I know that deep down inside he wants to stay with one woman forever, he just has a hard time choosing. When I asked him why he broke up with his most recent woman friend, he told me something that is probably pretty common among men, “whatever type of girl I have, I always want the opposite.” Meaning, if the girl he has is tall and thin, he can’t stop eyeing girls with curves, he finally gets the curvy one and can’t stop eyeing the petite version. He is only guilty of loving all women and I find it fascinating. How many men feel this way but keep it to themselves and hold on to what they have even though they are dying to try something new?
Same night, I look across the table at a couple of friends of mine who seem to have it all figured out. Both winners of the genetic lottery, the answer seemed simple. Find someone as hot as you are and live happily ever after. But even hot people get annoying and looks fade so I wonder what will happen to these two in a few years? Will he be out in search of a thinner more youthful version of what he has? And will she be at home waiting patiently for the postman who delivers large packages and tells her she’s the youngest and thinnest of them all? Only time will tell I guess. And I think that’s the key to a great relationship. Time. There’s a time and a place for everything. And right now is my time to be single. Friends are already trying to set me up on dates and it’s only been a week. So here’s my 2008 resolution: Meet as many new men as possible. Flirt with the possibility of a relationship while staying focused on my goals. Next time I have a brush with monogamy I might be ready, but until then I’m going to take my own advice and make plans plans and more plans. So many plans that I couldn’t possibly keep them all. If it turns out that my Mom is right, I’ll be way too busy to notice that I’m alone.

The point of my coffee shop experience? HAVE PURPOSE – that and don’t be a bumbling idiot. Don’t be the guy that stops in the merge lane with his blinker on, don’t do the left,r ight, left, right dance when you find yourself faced with someone walking in the the opposite direction as you. You have a purpose in everything you do, act like it. When someone is walking toward you commit to your direction, they’ll figure out which way to go.

So many people go through life just following everyone else. Watch people line up, they will just line up where ever even if there might be another entrance that has no line. This happens everyday and drives me nuts. Don’t follow the crowd be a leader, know your purpose and live it, own it!

When someone says “where do you want to meet for lunch?” speak up, say I’d like to meet at this place

What movie do you want to watch? “I want to watch this film”

Where do you want to go tonight “I want to go to location X and do Y” (or Z if you are so inclined)

When someone calls you and you don’t have time to talk “look I’m in the middle of something, but I have a second, what’s up?” – they will cut to the point, save you both a tonne of time and you will be able to go back to being busy.

When someone wants to meet with you “I have an hour on tuesday and an hour on wednesday, which day works for you?”

When you want to go dance at the club? get up, say “I’m going to dance” and then go, the people you are their with will follow you.

Don’t hesitate in life, commit and take control, whether it’s in traffic, it’s in the office, on a date or really anywhere for that matter take control. People don’t like to think and they like to follow – why do you think Brittany Spears is still selling records? So be the leader, when people put something up for grabs – GRAB IT! it’s yours why should you dance around waiting for someone else to take the opportunity.

What if I suck? what if people don’t like my idea? what if? what if? what if? I’ve found that more often than not people never complain about that situation and if in the odd chance they do you can retort with “if you didn’t like my idea you should have said something, next time you should present your concerns in advance, I’m always up for another opinion” and then look at them and smile. Next time they will speak up and you can have a discussion about it and reach a common goal.

The best part about owning your reality? people will realize this and then start to ask you for direction, they will seek you to plan events, dates, etc, they will come to you for advice and will follow you when you take the lead. They will respect you and you will gain the respect from others. They won’t respect a wishy washy “I dunno maybe” type of person and neither will you.

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Let’s hear it? what do you feel stuck in? approaching people? loosing weight? getting out of bed early? We all have sticking points in our life and a good kick in the ass is what we usually need, especially when paired with some good advice.

the IDM team continually kicks each other to make sure we get through these as quickly as possible and we are offering the same to you!

What are your sticking points?

Where do you get stuck in life?love? relationships?

Go ahead, ask us anything and we’ll do our best to kick you into high gear and toss in some note worthy advice.

Post them in the comments. We look forward to hearing from you.

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