Most guys I know feel that they don’t need help with their game (they do, we all do), whether their game is used for meeting dozens of beautiful models or just talking to that one special girl we all could use a little help. On the other side of the coin women have a deeper understanding that they could use a little help landing Mr. Right, nearly once a week a female friend comes forward and asks me for some help. Here is IDM’s definitive guide to meeting and landing Mr. Right this summer.

Traditionally, meeting Mr. Right is more of a passive activity, this guide will focus on being actively passive. More or less, making sure you are putting the best ingredients together for him to approach.

Looks – Physical attraction is important, millions of years of evolution ensured that we are looking for a healthy mate that will produce viable offspring, even though we aren’t battling sabre toothed tigers those evolutionary bi-products are still there.  You should look good when you leave the house, teeth should be clean and white, hair should be clean looking, clothing should be well fitting and feminine. Final message: You don’t want to leave the house looking like Sue Sylvester.

Health – More and more health is becoming important, start going to the gym, quit smoking and cut the sugar out of your diet. We don’t all want to date Marissa Miller, but we do want someone that cares about their health, you can be curvy, skinny or a big beautiful woman, but you should still be healthy. Final message: We don’t want you getting winded walking from the car nor do we want you blowing away on a windy day, we are looking for a life partner after all.

Confidence – I hear “I’m just an average girl” more than I can count. No one wants to date an average girl, no one wants to be average, just because you aren’t a Victoria Secret model that has a Nobel prize and Olympic medal doesn’t mean you are average. What average says to me? is you are willing to settle, you are bored with your life, tell me you are passionate, tell me you aren’t average, maybe you love Star Trek and love playing indoor soccer, that makes you unique. Instead of telling me you are just like everyone else (then why wouldn’t I want to date everyone else?) tell me why you aren’t like everyone else. Final Message – We want someone who is confident, motivated and happy.

Location – Not just for real estate. If you find Nerds sexy, chances are you aren’t going to meet them at some trashy downtown bar. If you want to meet a Doctor stop hanging out at Law School. What I’m getting at that you need to figure out what you are looking for in a man and then put yourself into the circle. Join a summer sports league, join a wine tasting group, join a guild of elves, really, it doesn’t matter what, but that you are actually taking a step forward to meeting the right person. Too many girls go to work, come home, go out with friends and that’s it, those are not ideal situations to meet Mr. Right.  Final Message – You meet a guy that appreciates art at a gallery, not at a night club.

Stay tuned for part 2.

IDM’s guide to writing a girl’s dating profile:

Listen up girls, we’ve spent the last few months looking at dating profiles, getting messages from girls on ours and evaluating what’s out there. Your goal with your dating profile is to ultimately meet someone and have some form of relationship with them. Here is our official guide to get the most and the best possible responses.

Photos matter – Whether your photos are public or not you should have 3 photos – one head shot, one full body shot, and one photo of you doing something that you love to do. Guys are visual when we look for a car we want to see the car before we buy it, knowing the specs alone won’t get us excited. We don’t want to be surprised that you are 100lbs when we were expecting a full figured goddess and vice a versa. If your photos are not public, when you message a guy, attach the photos, he’s not going to reply to a faceless creature, we want to know what you look like. If we aren’t attracted to you then you are wasting both your time and ours. Don’t post photos of your kids, your dog, your cat or your fish, it’s ok to have any of those but let’s ease us into that.

Most of the profiles have the same style “about me”. Have a look through at some other girls profiles then write yours make sure you are different, make sure you use punctuation, proper spelling and avoid slang. Don’t be afraid to be playful or to state what you are looking for and what you are not looking for. Display some confidence and most of all represent your best self. Finally, keep it short. We don’t want 14 pages on what you do, why you love your dog “Clover” and what type of kittens and ice cream you prefer. Tempt us, tease us, give us your best movie trailer, if we want more we’ll message you.

So you find a guy and you want to message him first.

Don’t:

Write a page about yourself.
Tell him why he’s awesome.
Write a two word msg. “Hi” is not an email.

Do:

Write a short blurb on why you messaged him. “Hey you seem kind of cool, you’re into ______, me too, I could totally kick your butt in it.”
Ask him an obscure but playful question “You seem cool, but to make sure…What is your favourite old school video game?”
Be playful, flirty and brief.

Here is an example of my favourite profile that I have come across:

Hi, I like sarcasm. My life is full of mind blowing drama that I am just waiting to unload on someone. I love having loud public arguments, especially when I get to make comparisons to my past failed relationships. Not only that, but! I am incredibly insecure and physically unattractive that I’ll most likely repeatedly ask you if you think I’m fat, only to say “I know you’re lying!” in response to whatever your answer may be, and somehow use it against you when you have a poker night planned with the boys. <-This paragraph clearly shows that she’s fun, she’s not going to be crazy or obsessive, and respects your space i.e. poker night with the boys and that she has enough of a brain to be funny about it.

In the meantime, I can also be serious, and mention things that I personally enjoy. Such as my family and friends, playing guitar, being active (gym, yoga, the outdoors), my job, travelling, and people that chew with their mouths closed. I love having a good laugh on a daily basis, and being surrounded by people that do the same. <- Ok So we know what she likes and what she does for fun and a typical day for her.

I am looking for someone who’s honest, loyal, caring, sincere and trustworthy. Who has morals, values and interests similar to my own and has an excellent character. Someone well educated and is happy and comfortable with themself, capable of making a commitment. Someone that loves their job, realizing the importance of financial stability, but understanding that there is more to life than materialism. Someone, who in the long run, would genuinely have my best interest at heart. Someone who has respect for the environment. A great sense of humour is a must. Someone that takes care of themself and is health conscious and active. Because yes, superficially speaking, looks are important and key to initial attraction, and being fit and healthy can make you attractive inside and out. <- Like a movie trailer she brought us in with the first part now we are getting to the meat of the story, not to heavy but enough that you really know if this is a film worth seeing and if you are the right audience for it.

So basically, if you’re a self-centered, ‘roid pumping, spray-tanned, arrogant, money hungry, insecure-with-a-chip-on-your-shoulder, unemployed angry highschool drop-out, don’t keep me waiting any longer and message me NOW! <- We finish up the same way we started on a fun playful note. Overall the whole profile is short, fun but serious and we know what she’s looking for so we won’t waste her time.

The man, the shirt, the results.

Last July, Myself, Xander and a few other friends descended upon the San Francisco Bay Area for a week of fun, excitement and “Woo”.

Xander was charged with being the best man, planning, arranging and putting everything together. He had a lot on his plate so I offered up my ideas and my labour to help him get everything he needed done. On the flight in we started trying to conceptualize the bachelor party. Sure, you can take a guy out to a trashy strip club, you can take him paint balling, golfing or to a shooting range.

What we wanted to do was show him a no rule, no limit night of fun. Think louder than 11.

Here’s how we did it…

2 weeks prior to the wedding we decided that t shirts would be needed, a form of peacocking for the night, a way to bring the team feeling together on our night out, and finally a way for us to help find each other in a crowded club. Our shirts were safety green and hot pink, it was impossible to not spot any of us from 1000 yards. Luckily we did not have to try to hide from the police.

2 days prior to the wedding was the day set for the bachelor party. Why? it’s enough time to ensure that all parties involved can be bailed out of jail, found on the roof of a casino, replaced, etc. Further more it allows all hangovers to be recovered from. We also used hotwire.com to find a cheap hotel room, we managed to get a $500 a night room in a downtown hotel for less than $100. This provided a base of operation as well helped set the tone for the night, imagine your friends taking you into a  5 diamond hotel (not star, diamond…) to start your night, remember, it’s always about context.

Once in the hotel we had a few shots, got ready, surprised the groom once again with the t-shirts and some good scotch to drink. He was already buzzing from excitement. This night was destined for greatness.

We had previously found out where his favourite pub was and started there for food and drinks. Xander called in advance to book a large table and get friendly with the manager. During this phone call he set it up that this place was the Groom’s favourite place and that we would be celebrating his coming nuptials.  This takes a page from “the bouncer is your friend”. On arrival the entire staff was aware why we were they and made us right at home, providing excellent service, free drinks.

Stay tuned for part two and the secret of the checklist…

Keychain, one of the worlds top pick up artists is writing for – Staggered, a UK based blog/magazine that is related to all things being a Stag (a.k.a. groom). The site has some great articles for those of you who are about to have your balls chopped off and put into a purse.

For those of you that want to have your balls chopped off (married) check out his posts here. He promises that you’ll end up with a girlfriend. If you really want to start dating, he knows his stuff and it’s all good advice.

We’ve previously covered the Do’s and Do not’s of profile photos. This applies from everything from Facebook, LinkedIn, Myspace as well as any dating website.  As our world moves online more and more people are busy and turning to free dating websites like http://www.plentyoffish.com and pay for use sites like http://www.match.com . Whether you are paying for the service or not you want to make sure that when you do send a message that you get a response. We recently set up a fake profile on Plenty of Fish to see what type of messages the average attractive girl receives.  First off, let me say thank god I’m not a pretty girl on a dating website, the chodish messages our mock profile received on an hourly basis was staggering.

Most of the messages we received had subject lines like “hi” “hey” “hello” “what’s up” so the first thing you are going to have to do is separate yourself from the bunch by saying something different in your subject line. Try a quirky question like “Pirates or Ninjas?”

From here most of the lines commented on our profile

“oh you like to travel, me too”
“you are a grad student, I’ve been thinking about doing my masters too”
“you like sandwiches, me too”

These are all forms of validation seeking, hey look at me, I’m like you.

Instead of saying that say something like “you seem kind of cool but before I know for sure you have to answer these 3 vitally important questions:”

What you’ve done is turned the tables, instead of telling her she’s pretty and smart and you think she’s cool, you are saying I’m not sure about you, prove yourself to me. This makes you a challenge and sets you apart from every other chode that’s messaging her.

Continue here with 3 completely unimportant and illogical questions.

Something like:
“What is one food that is canned that shouldn’t be?”
“Would you rather be a fighter jet pilot or a race car driver?”
“If you could make out with someone any location on earth, where would it be?”

Follow with “keep in mind, your cool factor totally depends on your answers”

Sign it with your name and leave it at that.  If they don’t reply move on, do not continue messaging the same girl, maybe she doesn’t login any more, maybe she has met someone, maybe it’s a fake profile setup by some awesome guys from your favourite dating, relationship and life website.

The Catwomen Have Arrived... Go on, Say Hello

Meeting quality, awesome girls is not just gambits and openers and if you don’t watch out you might just become the hunted…

My current dance partner and fellow social adventurer passed along this note to me a week ago and I just couldn’t sit on it any longer… Apparently the game is changing and the balance of power is shifting – at least in Kenya anyway! Kariuki Muthui of the African publication The Standard explains in his article “When the Hunter turns Hunted” (January, 23, 2010).

The article takes a deeper look at an interesting development in the Kenyan social scene; the entrance of the young, middle class, urban Kenyan woman, or Catwoman for short. Looking past what might be misconstrued (or perhaps is) sexist wording throughout the piece, the article explains how the Catwoman comes in many varieties (‘tis the spice of life after all), has “merciless standards”, desires smart and intelligent men who have money and come well dressed – losers need not apply.

So are Catwomen something to be concerned about? Is your game ready for this challenging new opponent?

First Things First

I say, “More power to the Kenyan Catwoman”! No one should settle and as far as I can tell that’s exactly what these women aren’t doing’ settling for uninteresting men. If you think your town, country or continent doesn’t have its share of Catwomen, you’re dead wrong. They do exist, and reading websites such as IDM helps to prove that.

Moneyed and Well Dressed

But the article does bring out some interesting points of limiting beliefs and social norms that I thought worth mentioning and I thought I’d point something out I don’t agree with in the article – moneyed men.

Yes, being well dressed is important. Grooming yourself is important, so break out the razor and some good soap and awaken your inner Metro-man if you haven’t already. But the line on “successful” and “moneyed” men is inaccurate and here’s at least reason why:

A wing of mine and former writer for IDM dedicates his life in pursuant of his art and his passions. He takes on jobs and adventures not based on money, but based on if they align with what he loves doing. As a result he is confident and carries a sense of fearlessness because in the end he’s doing what he likes to do and that is what makes him successful, not the fact that he can buy his girl as many drinks as she would like (in fact it likely ends up being the opposite way around)

He can also have any Catwoman he wants.

Who you are and being congruent is the important part of this lesson on the Catwoman. The article itself doesn’t point that explicitly, but one sentence rings true:

These cocky young men will drink themselves stupid, make lewd passes at you all night and then expect you to go home with them so they can grunt their Tusker breath on you for five minutes! No way.

Don’t be that loser, instead be the man that plays with his confidence and for his enjoyment. One playful bar game later and she’ll be paying for your drink. Nothing more solidifies this than the statement by one of the woman, Carol Wanja, interviewed in the article:

I never let a man pick me up. I guess you can call me a hunter — and I hate easy prey. I just find men who are all over me so…weak…so boring. But when I spot a stubborn guy who won’t even notice me, then I plot and plan…and I get him. And there is no sweeter victory than that.

So 2010, focus on your inner game, your core competencies and just what makes you great. It won’t matter what routine, gambit, game or opener you use so long as you have the confidence to back it up. And if Kariuki Muthui and The Standard want some proof of that, then fly me out to Kenya, I’ll tame your Catwomen.

X.

Disclaimer – Guest posts do not always reflect the views of IDM. We offer them to mix up content on here and allow you, the reader to make the call on whether you agree or disagree. We look forward to hearing your thoughts on our guest contributor posts buy commenting at the bottom of each post. – Jay

How to date cougars!!

Have you ever been at work, school or even the supermarket when you see that SUPER hot girl, who looks more like a godness than a woman? Who looks more like an impossible challenge than an easy test???? Well she is called cougar or MILF!

According to Urbandictionary.com a MILF is a “mother, whether married, separated or divorced, that a male individual sees as physical attractive enough to want to have sexual intercourse with them”.

During my life I have seen so many milf’s so I started to think why almost nobody hits on them??? Why they are all by themselves or just getting approached by are douche bags and AFC’s which they tend to reject??…

Since I would love everybody to have sex (because is something that you can’t reject and that you also will love to have ) I started to hit on them and after a few minutes I found my answer…

Cougars (mostly) are a type of woman who likes to be on control, who are also cold sometimes and they don’t look for relationships or love. Most of the cougars out there are just looking for sex and fun. You can find them on the super market (as I said before) and maybe they won’t be looking for fun. However if you hit on them on Day game should be easier for you to get her number and call her another day.

When approaching cougars I strongly recommend you to use “Direct game”. Even though they’ve been approached for so many years they don’t want a cheesy line or a romantic line, they are probably tired of that, in my experience (as I said before) most of they just want SEX. Yes you read it well. Is it really weird to think that after 40 or 50 years of having a romance you just want sex and cut all the bullshit, problems and drama????

The most common rejection happens when they’re married or living a live with a partner and they DON’T want to cheat on him. Well if this is the case you would like to try to look for another girl, or if you like her so much and you do not care about hurting other people involved with her, you can use this method being persistent (not stalking her) and I’m pretty sure that eventually it will make her cheat (which I wouldn’t recommend though).

During the talking, speak about topics which are interesting for all the people. Talk about your “adventures” and also about traveling, food, movies. Interesting topics that she might like, Also remember to let her talk, something really important while gaming milf’s is to listen to what they’re saying. If you pay attention to what she says she might find you interesting to talk to (however I said “pay attention” I don’t mean that you should let her talk and talk and talk, she might want to lead the conversation but you can have some threads and change the topic if you feel uncomfortable with it and also if you are not having fun with the conversation just run away. The most important person in here is you).

Social Circle is very important. Although the value that being with lots of girls can bring you, some cougars feel that they’re better than younger girls. This may be because of the experience that they think they have against young people. So if you are in a night club surrounded of cute girls and all that they probably will flirt with you and they will also try to compete (as all the girls do) for you. (Doesn’t it sound lovely???)

When approaching a cougar try to be confident. A cougar is not a little girl who needs protection, they may be really secure and want to be in control of the situation (because they’re used to it) don’t let her. J let her think she has control but eventually make her realize that you are the “King of the world”.

Cougars may want somebody who can take control of the situation and lead them. Cougars have been approached all their lives so they are used to get approached by the same lines, as an advice try to approach them with a good funny line, or something direct.

Another very important thing to remember is to NEVER stop sexual escalation. A cougar in a night club isn’t looking for a “New Best Friend” and she may blow you off.  On the other hand if you do not stop being sexual with her she may feel that you know what you want and also that you are not just wasting your time.

As a conclusion I may want to give you 5 tips to hit on cougars, read them carefully and enjoy

1 – Try to be direct while hitting on her but also funny. As many other girls cougars just want to have fun so make her love your company and enjoy herself.

2 – Create lots of attraction. Because girls like these just want to have fun, creating attraction will make the conversation more fluently and also will add spice to the interaction.

3 – Never (yeah never!!) ask for her age. Even though cougars can be really confident and secure of themselves. Asking an old girl for her age couldn’t be polite. And also remember that she is older and well you can kill the attraction** already created by asking this.

4 – Don’t talk with her about her family, children etc… if she tries to talk about her family change the topic. Cougars have lived so long that talking about this could make her realize that what she’s doing is not 100% approved by society, (i. e maybe you are the same age of her son… )

5- Move to another location after you meet her. Most cougars have been through lots of things in their lives and if you meet her in a public area she may feel uncomfortable hooking up with you there. The reason why this happens is because of their age, they have a reputation to take care of. They may have important positions on important companies, business or even husbands who watch them. Remember gossip never sleeps .

A Girls Guide– Sam Sharpe

About a month ago, I was spilling my single sorrows to my wonderfully straight platonic life partner, Logan, and for the first time he must have been sick of it because he looked at me and said plainly “Sam, you’re too fucking picky”. He was right. In the many months that I have been single, which almost add up to a year, I have been on exactly twenty-two first dates, only three of which leaded to a second date, and none became anything more than a bad memory.  Eventually, out of boredom and frustration, I started suggesting the same restaurant, at the same time, ordered the same dish, and got the same disapproving looks from the wait staff. I stopped caring because I knew not one of them would hold my interest for longer than a night. So what did they all do wrong?

The first guy to make it past the first date was, Alex, Mr. Perfect-on-Paper. Owned his own company, house, car and all before he was thirty. He was styled like he walked out of GQ. He came from a great family, and they raised him well. I met his friends on our second date, and they all thought the world of him. He was secure, and stable, but mostly I liked him because of how much he liked me. After only a week, he was willing to do anything to make me happy. Despite of all of this, he was as dull as dishwater. He had no interest in anything that didn’t fit the mould and suit a purpose. Alex was a serial monogamist. Since high school the longest he had gone without a girlfriend was three months. Everything he did was to get girl, or for the girl. He gave himself no time to find out what he liked. The most exciting thing about him was that he took salsa lessons, but even this he did because it was a great work out and he thought it would be a great thing to know for when he got married. Marriage. Nope, I’m not kidding. He talked about marriage. Never, ever, talk about marriage with a girl after only a month. If a girl is worth having, she is just as scared of the M word as you are, especially after a month. Don’t be this guy. Find out what you love, remember that having a girl doesn’t validate you as an awesome catch.

Okay, that restaurant I mentioned that I started taking all my dates to, well one of them didn’t look at me like a was a bitch, in fact it was here that I found number two. While date number fifteen was in the washroom, Graham, our server, sat down and gave me his number. Bold move. He found my weak spot. I am a sucker for confidence. If the guy watched me come in night after night with a different date, each one more impressive than the last, and still believed he had something to offer me that the others couldn’t, there is no way I am going to say no. Never be afraid to take a chance, be brave. Girls love a guy who goes after what he wants, especially if it’s her. He had such a passion for life, good food, good drink, books, and art. He was everything Alex wasn’t. He didn’t offer the stability but he offered stimulation. He was amazing to be around. He was super polite, opened doors, took my arm when we crossed the street. An absolute gentleman. I started to think he was too good to be true. I wasn’t wrong. All the confidence he portrayed in life didn’t make it to the bedroom. In bed he over played everything. His idea of good sex was figuring out how many different positions we could do it in. I was flipped, twisted, and manoeuvred, into every position he could pretzel me into. (Note: This can be good, if, and only if, you’ve mastered the orgasm.) Unfortunately, I was too busy making sure my back was flexed properly in downward facing dog to give a shit what was happening to my vagina. Maybe, over time, I could have taught him, but why bother when there is another guy willing to try harder.

Jake was wiling to try. He was an interning architect for an amazing firm; he was attractive, well dressed, confident, and oh so smart we could talk about anything. Immediately I was impressed. Normally when I am working I don’t take anyone seriously when they hit on me, it’s part of the job to be a flirt. Something every guy should know. Servers flirt with you for the tip. That’s the truth, get used to it. However, occasionally, you get one who catches your interest. Jake did this wonderfully. He asked me questions about myself, and not the typical where do you go to school, where are you from? He asked me if I could live in any city in the world which would it be? What’s my favourite building in the world? These questions were great because they allowed me to talk about my time in Paris, and they worked to his advantage because then he got to talk about something he was passionate about. He made it a date without ever asking me, so when he actually did, I felt like I knew him already. Now, I have to take some credit for the Jay debacle. I fucked it up. Because he was the first guy I actually wanted to be with in such a long time I put the pressure on. We went a month with him just calling me once a week to go out. Granted he was busy, getting his masters and working full time, but I wanted someone that was around more than once a week, and I told him this. He took it as me being needy; we hadn’t had enough dates for him to know this couldn’t be farther from the truth. After my one demand of “ I would like to see you more than once a week”, he freaked and stopped calling. I just liked him and, to be honest, I wanted to fuck him silly. My advice to guys, don’t assume all girls are the same.

I like honesty. Aren’t we all getting tired of games? It’s games that got  us at this confused in the first place. If we never just say what we think, how are we supposed to know what anyone is thinking?  Okay, so maybe I dated all these guys at the same time, that doesn’t necessarily makes me dishonest. Jake was the only one who didn’t know, and maybe if he hadn’t freaked, we would be living in sexual non-monogamous bliss right now. Granted, not all girls are like me. I wanted to share these stories mostly so that men now just how picky girls can be, or at least the confident ones are. Most of the great women am acquainted with know exactly what they want, and the smallest things can completely turn them off a guy. Just like the smallest things, like me demanding to see Jake more, can turn a guy off. There is such a lack of understanding between the sexes. I want to help guys learn about women, because in the long run, it helps the women. It is no secret than most men are clueless when it comes to what woman want, but the more I read, the more I can’t help but agree with what the guys here have to say. They have somehow managed to create the perfect man, attentive lover, thoughtful, exciting; all around just gives a shit.

Take her on adventure and she'll have no choice but to fall in love.

Need ideas for a first date? The team at IDM has compiled a list of best and worst ideas for a first date. These are all tried, tested and true. Best of luck.

1-4 Safe bets, cheap, easy.
5-7 Getting a little more interesting, cheap, still easy
8-9 Adventure he we come, cheap, involves some planning.

1. The Grocery Store – Tell her you need to get groceries, take her along. This puts her outside of the normal interview style sit at a dinner table and ask questions. You’ll have lots to talk about, if you run out of ideas you can always talk about food.
2. Public Transit – Ferry, Bus, Train, Subway. Take a trip across town, talk about places in the town you like, laugh at the expense of others. Extra points if you end up at a really cool destination.
3. Shopping – Take her to the mall to help you get a new shirt, new shoes or something for your kitchen.
4. Arcade – Super fun, you can play pool, air hockey, racing games, gets the blood flowing and builds up the sexual tension brought on by competition
5. Vintage Clothing store – Take her there hand her $10, the challenge is to buy the other person a hilarious outfit that they must wear for the rest of the date.  You buy her one as well. Hilarity will ensue.
6. Sign up for a public cooking class at a local grocery store. Make sure to make a huge mess and get food all over yourself. You can always invite her over to your place to bake a cake/cookies if you can’t find a cooking class. Tell her she needs to wear old clothes and bring a bag of sugar, you’ll explain the rest when she arrives.
7. Bowling – especially if it’s late at night and the alley has neon lights. Total win, it’s a retro boogie bowling dance party.
8. Coffee scavenger hunt. Now we are getting into some serious planning. Meet for coffee, have a friend drop an envelope at your table and leave without saying a word. Have a set of instructions in the envelope that will lead you through a series of riddles and to other locations. Act as if you have no idea what’s going, just follow the clues.
9. Plan a heist, then pretend to execute it. You have no idea how many people want to be part of a heist, why not be their Thomas Crown and help them act it out. Do surveillance, create a plan, explore the location, talk about the security system, take notes. Disclaimer – please don’t actually steal anything, you’ll go to jail. You are NOT Thomas Crown.

Top 9 Worst places for a first date.

1. Movies – Nothing like sitting beside someone not interacting for 2 hours. That’s how you build lasting connections.
2. Dinner – They’ve done this before. You sit across from each other and talk about Nothing
3. Drinks – See Dinner
4. Coffee – Unless you plan on hitting the road and continuing the adventure elsewhere coffee ranks up there with Dinner and drinks
5. Cook dinner for them – unless you have solid game they are going to feel you are trying way way to hard. Make it fun, not serious.
6. Rock climbing – You want to make it fun, not hard, not challenging. There is not competitive spirit here, just hard work. Save that for later in the relationship
7. Hiking, Walking in the woods, etc – Places with a small amount of people can tend to get the other person thinking… hmmm… is this person an axe murderer?
8. Watching a movie at your place – This says “let’s just have sex” – holy uncomfortable batman
9. Bars/Clubs/Bands – Too loud, too distracting, too awkward. Steer clear of these.

Can you round these off to make a Top 10? What best/worst places do you have in mind for a first date? Post it up in the comments.

Have a little more fun on that date...

Dinner. Meet for drinks. Grab a coffee. Catch a movie.
I’ve done these, and whatever combination they come in but never with a whole lot of luck. Then I started doing these:
Picnic at a supermarket. Hiking around railroad tracks. Grabbing a ride on a ferry. Or a dusk-time walk through a graveyard… and have had some incredible results.

Adventure Dating – Your Dinner and a Movie Reinvented

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not lauding a date in graveyard over the standard meeting for drinks or catching a movie (okay, maybe I’m lauding it over the movie a bit), what I’m trying to get at is this: Dating is about meeting someone new, being entertained by and entertaining that person and sharing new experiences – it’s about being social and physically interacting with someone.

I’m not a fan of the droning (and frankly twisted) twenty-questions compatibility interview that we’ve come to accept as a “norm” for dating formats. My very first, official “date” I ever went on was effectively this interview format over coffee after which I immediately vowed “never again!” It didn’t seem natural, it wasn’t nearly as fascinating as it could have been and quite frankly it was boring – I had short-changed what could have been a really unique, sincere and “nothing to lose” experience and placed us both in a stifling environment that gave way only to status quo.

Since then I’ve focused on the date being an experience for both. To do that I summon my inner child, asking “What will I find fun?“, and let the ideas come rolling. It’s only a date after all, you really have nothing to lose, so have fun with it (in respectable moderation of course)!

The number one rule is this: Don’t be attached to the outcome.

Focus on what’s happening “in the now” and I guarantee your dating experiences will improve (this can be true for both sexes).

But Xander, I’m not a ‘creative’ person – I run blank when I try to come up with dates

Non-sense… Relax and do what you like to do! A little creative spin on, say, going to a movie and viola… adventure! Here are some examples of how to make the traditional date an adventure date…

Dinner and a Movie
The Adventure Dating answer to Dinner and a Movie would be: Take it inside. Invite the person over, cook dinner together (or maybe make a desert, or a finger food pot-luck) and watch an old movie the both of you may have seen before. You can revel in your favourite parts, discuss particular scenes, tear the movie apart (making fun of Twilight anyone?). Neither of you cook? Well, it’ll probably be a rather hilarious adventure (seriously, learn how to cook… something)! My suggestion in that case would be making cookies (think that scene from Ghost but with delicious cookie batter).

Meeting for Drinks
The Adventure Dating solution? Take it on the road. Yes, in some countries/states/provinces/territories there are some minor legalities involved, plan accordingly. Pack a bag with opaque mugs, a favourite red/white wine (wine is easiest in this situation, but you could bring whatever) and head to a walkable area of your city or town for some discrete fun. Yes, sitting down for drinks can be great depending on the venue. But this way just has a certain mischievousness to it. Try setting it up like so:

You: “Lets meet for drinks”
Your Date: “Sure, when were you thinking”
You: “Thursday evening, meet me at the park gates on main street, and dress warm”

So, now that I’ve got your brain flowing, start having fun. I’ve shared a few of mine (and would gladly share some more), if you’ve got some adventure date ideas of your own leave them in the comments below or post your results. Remember, don’t be attached to the outcome, just have fun with this brand new individual you’re hanging out with.

X.