The Zone
By: Apex

“Suddenly I was nearly two seconds faster than anybody else, including my team mate with the same car. And suddenly I realised that I was no longer driving the car consciously. I was driving it by a kind of instinct, only I was in a different dimension. It was like I was in a tunnel.” –Aryton Senna, 3-time Forumla 1 World Champion

There’s a feeling that everyone has. It is difficult to experience, and even harder to describe. It’s that moment where everything you do is almost supernatural – things happen before you make them happen, all your goals seem to achieve themselves, and you can’t be stopped. This is your flow, your zone, your state.

It’s amazing when it happens. You’re on top of the world and you can’t be stopped. Everything you set out to do seems to happen on its own, beyond your control. You’re operating at full throttle, but it seems like you can accomplish so much more. You’re a passenger on the ride to success, but you reap all the rewards. You’re “in the zone” and you can’t be stopped.

This emotional state is the mechanism that drives success. It allows you to put all your anxiety, all your worries, all your self-doubt aside, and instead proceed with only your strengths and confidence. You are able to, proverbially, go outside your head. Proceed as if you are watching yourself from the outside, without all the inner doubt and ‘what-if’s’ of failure. Success is at hand, and you just need to go capture it.

Many people experience this state but don’t realize that it’s occurring. Most don’t reflect upon their route to success, and simply have not recognized this emotional phenomenon and chalk their successes up to good luck. Luck is not the answer. Luck is that one in a million circumstance that only occurs as a result of the entropy of the universe. Instead, success is usually a result of one’s ability to hone in their abilities, and use this honed state to take advantage of their circumstances.

The ultimate challenge is to put yourself in this state. It’s a mix of finding an emotional connection to your goals, embracing a feeling of invincibility, commitment, and embracing a routine. Watch any successful sports figure, executive, or the guy with all the desirable women, and you’ll see all of these things. The key is for you to find your own method of achieving this state.

So, how can you transpose this emotional state into success with women? You know you need to be in the zone where you don’t worry if you get rejected, get humiliated, or look like a fool. You need to act, and not worry. Everything you say has to be delivered with dedication, because people can sense if you are being ingenuine. If you say something excellent, it will show that you mean what you say. If you say something stupid, you don’t fret on it and mentally move on from the setback and continue. You need to have fun, and you need to show to everyone that you’re having fun. You need to act, but take the perspective of a bystander watching you act.

You will need, however, to have some basis for competency. You can’t step into a racecar with no training and expect to set lap records. You can’t just walk into an exam without studying and expect to ace it. Further, you can’t simply walk up to a group of women and expect to have a foursome within the next hour. Admittedly, if you’re that one in a thousand guys who has some innate talent, you’ll be a superstar. But for the rest of us, there’s a little bit of prep work to be done before you can just “jump in the zone” and conquer it all.

But once you have some knowledge about what it takes to achieve your goals, you’ll need to find a way to get yourself in that special mental place. So, how can you put your mind in this state?

This is a very personal mental transition – everyone has their own methods. Some of my friends like to put in their headphones and listen to specific music that helps them get in the zone (you’ll see lots of athletes walk into the stadium with headphones). Others need isolation – a total void of stimulus. Some may give themselves a pep talk. Others may need to shout and yell, jump up and down, or do something totally unexpected.

All of these methods have one common underpinning. They all allow for an individual to concentrate on his own self. Listening to music and being in isolation allow the elimination of unnecessary and unhelpful outside stimuli, and instead allows one to focus on getting into this special mental state. A pep talk is a conversation with oneself, about oneself, on the subject of the goals for oneself. Shouting, yelling, and jumping are all activities which are all totally self-serving and perform the function of reminding a person of his consciousness, sense of control, and ability to act of his own accord.

The key to getting yourself in this state is to pay attention to the times when you achieve it. If you find yourself in the zone, get a piece of paper and write down, or leave yourself a voicemail, telling yourself how you got here. Did you do something prior to getting here? What task were you trying to accomplish when you found yourself here? Were you feeling a certain way before you got here? What happened earlier in the day to get you here? Even seemingly inconsequential things like what you were wearing may have had an effect. Take note of these things and try to replicate them again.

This process of finding the zone is not necessarily an easy one. You’ll need to try various techniques to be able to get yourself there. Try a pep talk. Try your favorite music. Incorporate elements you recorded the last time you were in the zone. But, when you do, you’ll find yourself achieving more than you thought possible. It is important to spend some time in your everyday life to put yourself in this state. That way, when you meet a woman that you have a desire to talk to, maybe go on a date with, or maybe start a relationship with, you’ll be able to put yourself in this state and achieve what you want.

No doubt you’ve noticed that this piece hasn’t been focused solely on the issue of women – instead, it has the context of life in general. The reason for this should be clear. If you can get in the zone, you’re on your way to achieving any life goal. However, this holds especially true in the case of your relationships with women. Trust me. Get in the zone.