I’d like to share a story that I just heard told by Doc, a psychologist from Canada who specializes in Dating and Relationship advice. His version of “What’s the worst that can happen?” in an interaction with a woman he just met.

(I’ll paraphrase a bit)

I was in Boston on business with my brother and we thought we’d go out for a drink at a pub down the road. I went up to the bar to order a drink and I noticed the girl standing beside me was quite attractive. It was cold that night, so she had her sweater draped over shoulders and not on properly. So, being the playful flirty guy that I am, I grabbed the arms of her sweater, flung them around as I laughed and said, “hey you, where are your arms?” She looked at me with a sour look on her face and said “I don’t have any arms. I’m an amputee.” and showed me the stumps where her arms were. Ouch. Then her friends, who overheard the conversation, yelled at me, “what a jerk! How can you be so insensitive?!”

I felt terrible. I apologized, and told her friends I didn’t know and was just being playful… I bought her a drink, said I was really sorry again and left the bar.

I want to point out a few things. Yes, it is a pretty embarrassing story, and now I’ll think twice now about pulling girls’ sweaters when out at the bar. But I would like to note Doc’s attitude about what happened: He apologized, bought her a drink, and talked with her friends to make sure they would tell her that he was sorry and hadn’t done anything to purposely hurt her feelings. As a side note, he now has one of the best answers to that “what’s the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?” question.

Okay, so now that I’ve scared you out of ever talking to women ever again, I want you to relax your shoulders, breathe in slowly, and breathe out a deep sigh of relief. Because you will statistically never have to go through something that embarrassing/awkward when you start a conversation with a girl you don’t know. Not even close. Out of all the people I know who approach women on a regular basis, they generally haven’t had drinks poured on them, and no slaps in the face to talk about. Women are just not that scary (when they’re not shopping for shoes…).

Let’s talk about your life then. Say you’re hanging out with a few friends at your college bar and you notice a girl that fits your “type.” She’s a brunette, a little bit shorter than you, and she’s wearing a t-shirt with your favorite obscure rock band on it. And she’s drop-dead gorgeous.

The problem is that you’re scared to go up and talk to her. Why? Our brains have evolutionarily evolved to protect us in our cave-man societies of 50 people or less. Within those small societies, our brains evolved to protect us from talking with strangers, especially physically attractive strangers that likely have an alpha male as a mate. It’s a protection mechanism, but in our society today it is not serving you.

So, I’m going to play psychologist here and analyze your fear of approaching your cute college girl, according to Dale Carnegie’s 3 Steps to Overcome Worry/Fear:

1)What’s the worst that could happen? Describe your absolute worst-case scenario.

“When I go up and talk to her, she’ll laugh at me, tell me that I should jump off a bridge and die, and then tell all of her friends, my friends, and everyone she meets about how much of a dork I am…People will see me fail, and I’ll be embarrassed.”

2)Analyze your worst case scenario: is it likely? No. But let’s say for sake of argument, that it is. Hypothetically allow yourself to deal with that possibility. Would it be the end of the world?

“Well, I guess she probably wouldn’t be really mean to me and throw water in my face… But if she did, I guess I’d feel pretty shit about it. But I suppose I could deal with it – and maybe be able to laugh at the situation. Plus, I’d have a hilarious story to tell my friends.”

3)What are some ways that you could minimize the likelihood of the worst case scenario happening?

“I could create a good first impression by always looking after my physical appearance, even if I’m just going to the grocery store… And I could have a few interesting things to say or funny stories about things that happened recently, so I don’t feel like I have nothing to talk about…”

The point is, there’s a lot you can do to minimize that far-off and unlikely worst-case scenario. And anything that you do regularly gets easier as you learn the necessary skill set. Approaching women, going in for the first kiss, whatever it is you’re scared of.

Out of all the interactions I’ve had with approaching and talking with women, the worst that’s ever happened to me is simply a cold shoulder or a brief, awkward conversation. And if I look at the positives that have come out of the interactions: meeting literally thousands of new people; going on dates; a feeling of being able to be adventurous in even the most ‘everyday’ situations… I’m quite happy I get over that little fear each time, and do it anyway.